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I have to question the motives of any adult male who tells strangers that he might be considering laying himself down. Especially if it’s not the first time, hence he hasn’t done it yet. Actually, allow me back track.
For the past week or so, Bow Wow has been making sad statements about his life, & how he wants to end it (or something to that effect) via @BowWow. That’s totally understandable, too, because I’ve felt like that plenty of times. But I’d never say it to anyone. God forbid people think I’m a quitter AND a procrastinator. As for Bow Wow, this isn’t his first stint with twama©. [Sidenote: There may be an abundance of words beginning with "tw." This is a side effect of Twitter. Scientists are working on it as we, um, speak. Sorry for any annoying ass inconveniences.] Previous episodes include arguing with his mother/girlfriend/manager about her inappropriate Tweets, & keypad-open-hand-slapboxing with his contemporaries (Chris Brown, Soulja Boy, etc.) about who can fold a blouse faster & exactly how tight is too tight for skinny jeans. But, that’s not the point.
The point is that Bow Wow is one of those C-list celebrities who obviously sees the value in having an overly dramatic timeline. However, if the twama is genuine & dude’s actually having a hard time dealing with real life, like the media outlets believe, then someone on his staff needs to take this kid to talk to some people. Really though, to tweet about anything more than nonsense means that you have a certain amount of conviction to whatever it is, & don’t mind making it public. Being unhappy with myself is one of those things that, unless it’s a drawn out bad joke, isn’t something I’d want thousands of people to know. I’m pretty sure I’d be trying to forget about it myself, rather than make it a “news” headline. Or the much more eggregious trending topic. For illustrative purposes, #YungBergsChain was one of my favorite trending topics, ever.
The cynic in me blames the movie ‘Like Mike‘ for any ridiculous acting out on Bow Wow’s behalf. & if you’ve seen that movie, & have general knowledge of his career (all the way back to him & Snoop), you can see how the movie had the same effect on Wow as ‘Juice’ did on Tupac, so to speak. He’s still that kid with the pigtails, waiting to be adopted. Ever since then he’s been selling his listening public dog shit on crackers, all in the name of Hip Hop. & even if Jermaine Dupri did in fact give Bow Wow the Kris Kross treatment, he was still free to roam the proverbial rap streets, unlike Shawntae Harris, & should’ve established himself as a team to be down with long ago, instead of the other way around. (See what I did with yesteryear’s So So Def Allstars?) Of course he’s unhappy right now; he just signed with Lil Wayne’s Young Money Records as Lil Wayne was being released from his cage. Bow Wow knows that, realistically, he has a long ass list of loyal weed carriers to wade through before he can even sit down with White folks & talk pre-production expenses. I’d be sad, too.
Perhaps, also, Birdman signed Bow Wow because he could see his ticking time bomb status, & with his newly acquired publishing house, would already own the rights to Shad Moss’ life story, when he ultimately & undoubtedly falls completely apart. Then again, I hope it’s not that serious.
By my score, Bow has another movie coming out, the DVD to the Lotto movie, & 2 mixtapes releasing within the next 6 months. Not for nothing, but he’d better step his “Look At Me! game up if he’s trying to win awards & shit for those things. On a more serious note, though, I hope his people don’t wait until his funeral to make sure if he’s okay or whatever. Just saying.
First things first; the second-to-last person you ever want to take financial advice from is a hardcore drug addict. The last person is a rapper. The reason I put them in that order is because I’ve been to rehab. I practically lived with addicts, hypes, alcoholics & counselors everyday, from 730am-4pm for 9 months. For the most part, there’s no more outward honesty than when a person is coming to grips with their demons, whatever the source. Not that I recommend it, but you can sort of trust a person on that journey, to an extent. Rappers, however, base their lives on delusion. That lone aspect is reason enough not to take their advice on anything real life-related. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, in both instances, but you smell my cologne.
That said, I guess tax fraud is the new “drunk driving” in the world of celebrity fuckery. [Sidenote: As a standard rule of thumb, I use the word "celebrity" in the loosest possible fashion. Like Kat Stacks' lower-half.] I don’t have the wherewithal to type a list of all the deadbeating© famous people, so I’ll just jump to the end of the line, to rapper Beanie Sigel, who’s now facing criminal tax evasion charges for allegedly not paying taxes from 2002-2004. You all might remember him as the last guy to go in on Jay-Z before Jigga’s tax payments become larger than most folks’ annual salaries. (Wait for it…Hova has to pay tithes.) Now, I’m no Dart Adams, but my rap game knowledge is consistent enough to specifically remember Beanie Sigel not having any hit records out at that time. I couldn’t tell you who did, but I can damn sure tell you that Beans was not one of those guys. Nonetheless, he grossed 1.5 million dollars during that time according to somebody, & that’s all Uncle Sam really cares about, no? Maybe the judge isn’t a Jay-Z fan & will decide to cut him some slack.
Where Beans’ money went is unimportant. Really though, what matters is the fact that, no matter how much crack he flooded into our neighborhoods (thereby eventually making songs whereas he brags about the poisoning process), he was
obviously never taught any money management. That’s the only tangible excuse I’ll ever accept from any nigga who claims he’s a hustler. Fact. If you hustle, you’re never broke. May go without, possible have to sacrifice, but never broke. & even if I didn’t grow up around the types of people that I did, I’d still have that outlook. Anywho, it’s a sad situation, but sad for all people in his position, not just rap guys. Wealth can be as overwhelming as poverty, if not more so, simply because you have access to what you normally c/w/shouldn’t, so to speak. Shouldn’t, being the segue to my next point.
Lil Wayne’s Young Money Records’ latest collaborative effort isn’t a follow-up to the underwhelmingly kinda decent ‘We Are Young Money,’ but rather a move that I would’ve sooner expected Bryan Williams to pull out of his 65 year old
Gucci bag of tricks. Which isn’t a good thing, by the way. For whatever reason, the record label is releasing a prepaid credit card. Yep.
Contrary to the egregious amounts of monies rappers claim to fondle on the regular, no rapper/rap group/rap label (outside of Jay-Z) is a financial institution. Russell Simmons tried something similar with the Rush Card (read: take advantage of the disenfranchised & unassociated), but to his surprise, Black people didn’t want “The Black Man” pittypatting them to death with fees & penalties, either. Turned out all Russell Simmons was really doing, at that time, was taking full advantage of his brother being on tv, because that was the only time I ever saw the commercial. Even assuming that the prepaid card is a legitimate way to teach the uneducated about money management, I still ain’t taking any money advice from a rapper. With the exception of GZA/Genius, & that’s only because “Diversify ya bonds, bitches” is almost as well known as “Bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay.” A rapper can sell me many things, but a vortex to my finances is not one of them. I’d quicker put my shit I a top-of-the-closet-shoebox or ask my wife to ration it to me before I transfer any funds into any account that has any card bearing the name of any rap record label. With or without any cool holograms.
According to Mack Maine (who?), there are plans in place for each member of YM to eventually have personalized cards, so those
suckers that want to feel connected to their, ahem, favorite Young Money artist can do so. Never mind the fact that there’s most definitely some unnecessary fees attached to the card for them to profit from (otherwise, why do it? To help people?! As if.). I’m sure it’s just my cynical mind at work, but few things scream “PATHETIC!” as loudly as some young girl who doesn’t really have dough like that, shopping for the sole reason of showing of a pink plastic card with a picture of Nicki Minaj. & I imagine hers won’t even show cleavage, either. Not that I planned on getting involved with this debacle-in-the-making, but Nicki Minaj without showing her cleavage might as well be Queen Latifah standing there naked. Beanie Sigel could do worse than to apply for 1 when he gets out done with this latest legal woe.
When all’s said & done, control your money, don’t let it control you, no matter the specifics. It would behoove society to have “money management” as a mandatory high school class, right after “essentials of parenthood,” but before “social skills for adults.” & before you take me more seriously than I take myself, I’m no expert on money. In fact, to further drive home the point, grab all yours, put it in an envelope & then email me for further instructions.
Drake is being interviewed today by Katie Couric, on Ustream. She’s the same lady that interviewed Dwayne Carter when he spit such timeless jewels as, he’s “a gangsta,” & how book-learning does nothing for him, even though he’s college educated, or something to that effect. At the time when Wayne did that interview, he was at the height his success. Or so that’s how it seemed at the time. Even the hate-mongers & negative nellies (no relation to the rapper) had to admit that his Carter III album was a tremendous success. Personally, I buy bootlegs, but I still bought it, if that counts for anything. I wouldn’t say it was stellar or extraordinary, but I don’t often use those types of words to describe much, anyway. I listened to it more than once, though.
So now, on what I can only assume is the network’s attempt to rekindle the same scenario
of rappers embarrassing themselves more than normal, Drake, Lil Wayne’s main weed carrying artist, is scheduled to follow in his bossman’s footsteps. Will he say dumb things, as well? Absolutely. That’s his main job requirement. Plus, he undoubtedly has some stuff to get off of his little beige chest, & where else to do it but God knows how many floors above the city? Where NO rappers can get to him? & by the time they can, he would’ve had at least a week’s head start on any necessary back-peddling & sneak-apologizing, if you smell my cologne. I’m not sure if being half-jewish plays any part in his career movements, but kudos to him for thinking 2 steps ahead on a consistent basis.
Thing is, though, why Drake? No shots whatsoever, & perhaps if I were gay or vaginal or a teenager I’d have a differing opinion, but there’s a veritable ton of Black guys worthy of air time, who do way more than dance jigs & make songs about ‘tang &
young money. She could’ve interviewed my dad, to learn how he raised 2 sons in Los Angeles who’ve never been in a gang, shot, or arrested. Surely that’s more interesting than talk of Hip Hop beef or whether or not Drake would rather play Barack Obama or Will Smith in biopic. At least, to me it would. But like I said, most of his fans want to have his baby(s), even though they’re probably “babies” themselves. Nonetheless, I’d imagine that Katie Couric would be on some Larry King meets Sally Jesse Raphael shit by now, as opposed to Access Hollywood cutting-room throwaways. No dice, though. She’s hanging with young, rich Black kids, as if they have something else to say than what’s already being said on the radio. Daily. If she weren’t wealthy herself, that would be considered suspicious behavior.
Don’t get me wrong; Drake being on television is nothing more than a live-action billboard for himself, & his label, & Birdman’s pocketbook, but really though, if he wasn’t on Ustream today, would that make or break him? No. & that’s why, if I were head bag holder in his crew, I would’ve told him, ever so politely, to watch his mouth. Not that he should care how people hear or what people think, but with great power comes great responsibility or whatever. Power is his, already, if he’s on tv. What he does with said power is on him, I’m just a writer.
I’m not going to start with the requisite “We Gotta Do Better” chant, because I have real things to waste energy on, like complaining about the rain & rolling [REDACTED]. However, I will say that the ambient stream of consciousness sure is getting dull these days.
I blame skinny jeans & cocaine.