There’s an episode of something, probably a movie, where a group of people get stranded in some isolated place, & they decide to eat the first one that dies. For survival reasons, obviously. Low & behold, somebody dies, & the people eat him. At the end, they get rescued & decide not to tell people that they ate him. Or, something like that. Federal Ranga let me know I was quoting Socrates the other post, so I’m sure one of y’all have a title for this “movie.” Anyway, & keep it real (in the spirited sense of the term), how far would you go to survive?

This cat, Jon Metz, was trapped under a boiler, in the basement of his house. Some type of way, his arm was pinned, with no way to remove it. So, he sat, & waited, praying & crying I’m sure, until he smelled “rotting flesh,” & knew it was time to get the fuck out of that situation. Now, this is when the situation stops being about humanity. It’s starts being about reality. Get out or die trying. I believe, even with the common sense logic of probable death, the average person would’ve died where they sat. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Only one possible way to remedy the dilemma, & it would be the most extreme scenario.

Metz grabbed a near-by saw blade, that he just happened to have that day, & began to saw off his arm. & before you rationalize the severity, please note: Jon didn’t cut shoulder or elbow joints, which would probably be the least bone & muscle matter. He cut through his bicep, at the halfway point BETWEEN elbow & shoulder. Chew on that for a moment…

Paramedics eventually rescued him, with his arm still slightly attached, finished the amputation, & took him to the hospital. I want to meet the guy who picked up the arm. Really though, it was somebody’s job to grab this man’s severed limb & do whatever they do with loose body parts. A video crew following that guy around on his job>>>‘The Deadliest Catch’, but I digress. Now, Metz is telling his story of demented bravery to the world, & it’s only a matter of time before that arm pays for itself. Hell, pretty soon he should be able to buy a midget. That way, he wouldn’t have to use the other arm either, unless he really wanted to. He wins, & so does the midget, because I don’t see a lot of midgets with jobs. How many times, in your decades of life, have you seen a midget working at a McDonald’s? & McDonald’s hires anybody. Just saying.

God forbid any of us should have to face such a horrific fate as Jon Metz, but I’m positive he didn’t wake up that day anticipating limb removal. Unless his other job is landscaping. Nonetheless, he made a conscious decision not to die, & usually, that’s all it takes. There was no possible way that dude had any other thought in his head but survival. Pure, unadulterated focus on the one & only thing that mattered. Otherwise, it’s sheer insanity. For illustrative purposes, the first cut into his own flesh wasn’t the insanity per se, as much as the 25-30 slices in, when there’s absolutely no turning back. Really though, his name should be a verb. If we can’t make that happen, he should at least get to be on the ‘Wheaties’ box.

Dude’s recovering in the hospital, already under preperation for being equipped with a prosthetic arm. Once he sells his life story for that book & movie deal, he should look into getting some lasers or something attached to it, further adding to his superhero status.

I’d sue the shit out of the company that made the boiler.