If the world treated Michael Jordan half as royally, back in the day, as it treats Lebron “King” James now, it’s no wonder Mike treats his fans like crap. For an entire career, at any given moment, there were thousands of sack-strokers surrounding Mike, shouting praises & exhaltations in his ear until his response naturally went from “Thank you,” to “I know, huh?” Obviously. I’ve concluded that the reason he shows Dwyane (worst spelling ever) Wade, Derek Jeter, & Tiger Woods so much love is because uber-douchebags are like a not-so-secret society who watch each other’s backs like homosexual gangbangers (see what I did there?). Take a look at who NIKE, a company rivaled in supposed racial discrimination only by Timberland, sponsors versus Reebok for a slight visual aid. But I digress.

I’m well aware of the landmark that is Lebron James. Not to fully disclose or anything, but I love watching him play. He’s truly a gifted individual. See, for all the Lakers fan that I am, I’m not too big on Kobe. I enjoy them as a squad, if you smell my cologne. Double-sentence pause. But Lebron? I love to watch that dude play, specifically. The rest of the team is a non-issue. Not that they don’t count, I just couldn’t care less. & Ohio, as a state, knows that there’s a country, if not world, that feels just like me. I guarantee that the Cavaliers have the green light to do whatever it takes to keep Lebron James, Ohio’s main export, at home. Mark my words. I don’t even go in on sports like that ’round here, but I’ll tell you what: Cleveland’s franchise will fire there relatively decent, somewhat successful coach before they lose their star. Oh wait, they already did. He’s from Akron, & plays for Cleveland, so don’t be surprised if Ted Strickland is involved, although we wouldn’t hear about it if it were true (which it probably is). I’m just about almost ready to say I’m probably pretty positive that he’ll most likely be wearing a Cavs jersey in the fall. Maybe.

Here’s my thing, though: can we please let the man’s nuts breath? Really though, in 34 years of life, I’ve never seen a man rode so hard. ESPN should be pregnant by now. Just saying. Speaking of which, Don Cannon’s ‘The Choice Is Yours’ mixtape features a song called ‘I Am The Man,’ where various rappers basically grovel at the man’s kicks for him to play for their respective cities. Yikes. After this, I’d be shocked if he still felt a need to sign autographs. Not for nothing, but I’d be embarrassed if a bunch of hardrock rap niggas made a song about me, in a “Black people blush, too” type of way. I felt uncomfortable for him, even though he probably just nodded his head & kept brushing his hair.

The song, called ‘I Am The Man,’ features Jadakiss, Nipsey Hussle, Uncle Murda, Chip The Ripper, Brisco, & Mikey Rocks. You can download it here.

In the grand scheme of Lebron Watch 2010, I’d like to see him stay with Cleveland, for the duration of his career, if possible. The league doesn’t tell those type of stories anymore, about local boy becoming national hero, all without ever leaving home. That’s a straight-to-DVD movie plot. Tyler Perry couldn’t write it better himself. But then again, we all know that currency trumps loyalty, so I won’t count on it. Wherever he goes, I’m still going to watch him play, though. No homo.

On a slightly related note: “Let’s go La-kers, LET’S GO!!” *clap clap*