Category Archives: Sex Lies & Audio Recordings

The Crowd Has Spoken! [NSFW!!]


Not that it matters, but I purposely don’t create posts based on the trends I see in the site’s stats. The closest I get to that is my infamous color commentary on silly guerilla’s niggamania, in Twitter-powered realtime. Following trends is tantamount to an emptyheaded disc Jockey spinning only what “everybody” wants to hear, simply because that way is the safest. No dice. That’s the polar opposite of what this Net Hop© thing is all about, right? Word to Radio Raheem’s love/hate jewelry, too many robots are why niggas turned off that bullshit in the first place. Regardless, I like to think I keep you guys coming back here because of what I offer the game, as opposed to what the game offers me.

That said, I noticed a chick I featured at the beginning of the month, Hitomi Tanaka, has a lot of referrals here. Literally, LOTS. Yes hetero & the whole 9, but I’d never heard of her until then. I’ve probably seen parts of her, but the name wasn’t familiar. To which I’ll admit that I’m super-slipping in my overseas porn viewage (does Eva Angelina or Mercedes Ashley count as “overseas?”), but that’s mainly because if I’m LOOKING for porn, specifics are of little to no importance. Clearly, at that moment, there are bigger issues at hand. No pun intended.

So, without further ado, because 300+ hits to 1 broad in less than 1 month isn’t a coincidence, I present to you again the surprisingly popular Hitomi Tanaka.

#thankmelater #imserious

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No Execution In Site

WIDEawake Entertainment is the Canadian company that bought Death Row Records from whatever fiscal hell Suge Knight doomed it to. So essentially, it’s being run by a handful of Canadian White people. Now, we all know I’m nowhere near racist. I hate everybody equally. However fact is fact, (more less), & the fact that these people are Cannuck saltines© is important to the proverbial plot of the story.

Whereas, back in the days, Death Row was running this rap shit, today it’s really nothing more than an imaginary marker. Something pretty to see in your rearview mirror, so to speak. Any conversation remotely linked to Death Row Records these days is about Tupac Shakur or Snoop Dogg. Maybe Crooked I, but the average rap fan is a) too young to remember that he was once label mates with Tupac, & b) knows him from Slaughterhouse, because Death Row’s been dead for years. But I digress. Nobody is checking for Death Row Records, unless Tupac decides, from his Cuban underground stronghold, to let them release some “lost” music, or one of the current owners commits suicide or something. God forbid.

All of a sudden, though, as if we’ve collectively traveled through some mediocrity-infused time warp, there’s a website, called DeathRowMusic.com, based on the label’s former glory. Like over a decade-ago former glory. Which, in rap music terms, is a self lifetime, plus.

This is a reoccuring theme with these people; re-releasing music & reviving a moment that, unfortunately, has passed it’s expiration date. (Don’t shoot the messenger, shoot the synthesizer.) I can understand how WIDEawake could conceptualize Death Row Records as a pillar of the current rap community, especially since it seems White people either despise Black folks, or love them unconditionally (almost to a fault). However, the reasons that made Death Row Records famous had little to do with the music. Perhaps there has to be a certain amount of unbanization in play to understand that, if you smell my cologne. We just think they made all this wonderful music because the same 10 Death Row hits stay in radio rotation. However, the hit records were mere coincidence to the exciting lifestyle that made Death Row Records the monster it once was.

So, WIDEawake, as much as niggas of all colors & ethnicities love the hell out of The Chronic, I’m not rocking the album cover on a hat or shirt. Not for free. So definitely not for whatever price you’re attempting to extort from my recession snaps. Also, Tha Dogg Pound was an awesome group, 15 years ago. Same with Snoop. So, pardon me if I’m not in a hurry to buy any of their rookie year Hip Hop paraphanelia. Unless it’s a thousand dollar bill, autographed by the label’s most popular mule©. In which case, I’m still not interested in spending more than 5 bucks for it. It’s just not that serious.

Really though, hire some people who are more accurately synchopated with current events. Speaking of which, in case the company reps haven’t been online recently, there’s literally thousands of thirsty, young artists, chomping at the bit for a chance to prove their worth. & that’s where you’re contribution to Hip Hop is going to come from, guys; the new talent. The un-jaded fresh meat, if you will. Until that actuality is realized, in a financial capacity, failure in imminent, site unseen.

David Defeats Goliath By Split Decision *UPDATED*


Young Buck ‘Hood Documentary’ (DL Here)

Looks like the God of Rap has finally decided to stop pissing on David Darnell Brown’s braids & has given him a break. &, I say this not knowing if it’s fully true, but I refuse to let one monkey stop the show, so to speak.

Anyway, Young Buck has gone on Twitter with vague announcements which would insinuate that his epic battle with his old boss, 50 Cent, have finally come to an end. Of course it comes to an end, after the Federal Bureau of Investigation raids his crib for unpaid taxes, drawn guns included, to collect on monies he may not have had even if him & 50 were still cool (cocaine is a powerful drug). Point is, from being illegally recorded, for comedic purposes, to basically pleading for his life back, Young Buck’s rap story has more low lights than highlights. But maybe that will change now.

If 50′s truly decided to release Buck from his contractual obligations, this is tantamount to surviving a car crash, undergoing years of therapy to recover, & being able to walk away with a story to tell. Now, don’t get it twisted & think I’m a fan of Buck’s, because I’m not much of a fan of anything these days, but I fell he got a raw deal. & at the rate that the music industry has been evolving, more of less, for the past 5 years, he really didn’t miss much. Really though, of all the defunct G-Unit label artists, Buck & Game are the only guys talked about. Not Hot Rod, or Big Bad 40, not even Mobb Deep so much these days, & those guys are legends. That goes to show that Buck might’ve inadvertently avoided being a professional tax write-off, all the while keeping his name out there, even if it’s just for a misguided chuckle or 2.

If anything, I hope he was taking notes on how to be your own boss, instead of “learning” how to do business like 50, just from the disgruntled worker’s point of view. We see it happen all the time; abused kid grows up to be the abuser. Maybe Buck should seek some type of mental therapy before reentering to work force, lest he’d prefer to go out in straight jackets like Charles Hamilton did. Fuck all that, though.

& not for nothing, but during Buck’s hiatus, it’s not like 50 Cent stopped making enemies. Buck wins?

For the most part, Buck is still as recognizable as half of these other rap niggas (add White t-shirt & gaudy jewels), & could easily fit in the iPod shuffle of whoever wants to listen. I just hope he doesn’t get duped into signing back with 50. Stranger things in rap music have happened. Like Kat Stacks still getting pounded by famously stupid rap guys. Go figure.

Come Tweet With A Blogga…
@TheeTonyGrands

UPDATEDUPDATEDUPDATEDUPDATED
It appears that Buck wasn’t announcing his very-much earned freedom, but rather his sacking up to take on 50 Cent, in one of 50 Cent’s favorite places: in court.

Linda Brown, Buck’s attorney explained: Mr. Brown intends to reorganize his debts and pay off the IRS in a timely manner through Chapter 13. We hope to secure the return of his personal property quickly. He will also be filing a lawsuit in the next 30-60 days against his former manager, G-Unit label and Mr. Curtis Jackson.”

Cue 50 Cent’s next Buck-inspired humility tour.

How Drake & Nicki Minaj Lost

Watch this; the hilarity in entertainers pulling publicity stunts is that, these are human beings who, for whatever reason, decided that they want more publicity than the “average” person. Thus, whatever stunt they can do that will get them attention, & hopefully monetary reciprocity, is performed. God-delivered talent, or hard-hustled grandiose illusion, it’s all to get your attention. Any subsequent “stunt” is open to the imagination of the actor. (If you smell my cologne.)

Now, as y’all know, last week I came back from the future & brought Twitter with me. At some point after that, there was a rumor (started on Twitter) that Nicki Minaj & Drake had tied the knot. I really didn’t think much of it because A) I could not possibly care less, & B) she’s around “accidental pregnancy” age, whether her ass is fake or not. (Not that I care, I’m still going to look, but I’m just saying.) What I mean is, even though Drake looks to be a well preserved, older White-ish gentlemen, he’s not even 30 years old yet. By the time I was his age, I had 2 kids! I’m sure if he sneezes too hard near an open cut on her body, Nicki Minaj will be with seed. Because that’s how life works. Simple & plain, I just assumed he knocked her up, on some “best I ever had!” type hype, & didn’t want to be as much like Lil Wayne as he once thought. Makes sense to me, but then again, what do I know? Actually, I know a lot, but that’s neither here nor there.

Within a matter of what seemed like only hours, it was “press released” that it was just a hoax, & at that point, I truly stopped caring. It was truly a waste of time, & that’s not to say that most things in life aren’t, but certain ones have a place. This specific incident would’ve been better laid out for a ‘tweenage melodrama straght-to-dvd movie, starring a bunch of unknown rappers & producers instead of werewolves & vampires. Ugh. Point is, I’m sure they don’t know how much of a golden opportuntiy they let slip through their sweaty, pink little palms.

Why go, if you’re not going to go hard? Man, they should’ve let that gossip ride out to the end of the year, at least, & use that fuel for shows & things of that nature. At the end of the day, no one’s life changes around what celebrities do or don’t do, & what’s Professional Entertainment without embellishment, if only just a little? Rap music is based around that ethos, whether we like it or not. Like, “keep it real” was only a genuine phrase for about a year & a half, before it got infiltrated by mainstream douchstopia. After that, it quickly became the anti of itself, like niggas who sell dope throwing up peace signs at their friends.

Anywho, I just wish they would’ve taken that rumor to where it could’ve went (without hurting anyone, of course), before they puss-ed out & said “sike!” We don’t see much of that Hip Hop matrimony bullshit these days. In fact, the last one that comes to mind was Treach & Pepa (or Salt; they all look alike to me), & he used to beat the shit out of her for no reason. Not for nothing, but Lil Kim going mega-Barbie bitch on them, as a married couple wouldve been awesome.

*Come Tweet With A Blogga…
@TheeTonyGrands

Is Big Meech The New Real Ricky Ross?


“Stunt so hard, make ‘em come indict me…”
-Rick Ross The Rapper ‘B.M.F.’

First off, let me say that I’m not convinced, for one second, that Rick Ross The Rapper & Young Jeezy really have beef, because I live in South Central Los Angeles. Born, rasied, & still here. Between experiencing old school, white knuckle, hands-on L.A. gangbanging, & this Hip Hop hybrid of too-old-for-that-shit rapbangers, I can tell the difference between hood-involved discrepancy & cats who happen to know the “right” people for the wrong reason. This situation between adult entertainers, on the other hand, seems to be a clear cut case of “Ay nigga, I was HERE, first!”

I find it odd that 2 artists in the same recording house would even be involved in the type of real-life frucus that could effortlessly extend beyond rap music. Really though, all this name-dropping amongst the civilian & criminal community could easily result in someone being killed. (Not that I’m an expert or anything, I just know A LOT of criminals & watch ‘Oz’ whenever I can.) I know with extreme, blood-related certainty that real drug dealers don’t fuck around, especially if they convince themselves that you’re interfering with their fiscal intake, which, to a person’s whose ambition is based soley around greed, isn’t a hard thing to do. See, a gangbanger does things out of ignorance, while the dope dealer does so what he does because he feels it’s necessary. Now, for the rap world to peep, we have 2 rappers from the same drug-dealing gang subliminally trying to prove to each other “who knows who.” Good grief.

Is that hilarious or what? Like when Young Jeezy got The Real Big Meech for ‘The Real Blowin’ Money Fast’ song, to expose the necessary amount of pimp-hand to Ross, as a taunt. That’s truly a page taken for the “That’s why niggas cain’t have shit!” handbook. Same thing goes for Nightstick Rick, except, in true 40 year-old hustler fashion, he got Meech’s moms to cosign him in the streets, where everything that’s really anything gets dealt with, anyway, as the youngsters used to say.

& that quickly, The Real Big Meech has replaced The Real Ricky Ross as the dope dealer to be for Halloween. I mean, don’t you just love the hypocrisy of democracy? Only in America is there an equal opportunity to praise the condemned & condemn the praised (I’ve been wanting to type that sentence, without seeming like a douchebag, for years. Mission acomplished?). & on a related note, my kids were singing ‘B.M.F.’ the other day, & when I told them who Big Meech, Larry Hoover, & the real Ricky Ross were, beyond being anonymous names in rap music, they stopped singing the song, & haven’t since. Well, not as much as before they knew what they did for a collective living, anyway.

Score 1 for the good guys, perhaps.

Rockwell Was Right


^roffle mayo!….

The other day, some men came to replace the street light directly in front of my crib. The first thing I noticed was that they weren’t driving California vehicles, nor were they dressed in anything vaguely familiar, uniform-wise. In fact, whatever name the company had plastered across their machinery didn’t even sound real to me. I actually took a picture of the dudes, for illustrative purposes, but this was pre-5 o’clock bake, so I didn’t really have a point for a post yet, outside of showing y’all these people, in case they home-invaded me while I was typing. Obviously the latter didn’t happen, & I erased the picture out of post-5 o’clock bake boredom.

Later, I remembered that another group of contractors came & changed that bulb about a month ago. That’s odd. Especially given the fact that I’ve emptied at least 3 boxes of BB’s into that fucking old light bulb over the last decade or so, & not once had it shattered. Now, they’ve replaced the faux-glass dome with some Halogen contraption that I can’t even look at long enough to aim at. &, if that was “pothole” money that they spent on arbitrary lights that don’t do much else but suck on my tax dollars, I need to contact my congress person immediately. I’m serious. When the sun finally went down, along with my high, I noticed that for maybe 7-8 blocks in every direction, all the street lights had been replaced, & believe me when I say that maybe one, if any at all, were in real need of replacement or even repair.

Cats in the hood seem to be overly suspicious of life in general (self included…blame the weed), & things like this only further perpetuate whatever paranoid willynillyness that was there to begin with.

My homeboy said, “they watchin’ niggas.”

To which I replied, “& yet, we stay givin’ “them” somethin’ to watch…” Indeed.


^we’re taking pictures of each other…

One thing I’ve noticed about human nature is, as a single-minded organism, it’s easily distracted, no matter what. With enough shiny shit to preoccupy people’s cognitive skills, they wouldn’t know the truth if it tickled their taint, so to speak. All the Big Brother theory & One Nation hoopla could very well be completely true, like I’ve pointed out, but any so-called exposure would be nothing more than wolf-crying to Facebook martyrs & sacrificial Twitter lambs. (Or, “twidiots,” for short.) Really though, Freedom of Speech is dead already, even if it’s anonymous, digital speech. That’s a horrible look for the only species that truly has free will, but you don’t need me to tell you that.

& not for nothing, but I’m part of the problem, too. For example, in theory, there’s a better chance of me losing one of my kids (momentarily!) than there is of me losing my Blackberry. (Because kids run around & shit, but bugged, audio/video recording, homing devices containing pertinent information don’t.) If I’m aware of such a tether to the secular, I’m sure these organizations of world domination are, United States Gov’t included.

Contrary to popular belief, privacy is as important as speech, because if you Voltron both freedoms, & then take them away, next we’ll have a think tank telling us how feel. Fuck all that. Twice. With a weather-beaten broomstick. Now, I won’t go as far as to throw out anything that can watch me, watch it, but I got my eye on you motherfuckers. No pun intended.

Oh, & if you don’t what Rockwell (with help from the late, great Michael Joseph Jackson) was right about, check this out.