Words by Jherika G.
A recent chat with some male buddies led me to believe that men really don’t realize that the majority of the time, when dealing with a crazy chick, it’s their collective fault that she’s crazy.Here’s the thing about women: We care. Sometimes too much. And we listen to what you’re saying. So for your own safety, you need to be careful. I know I’ll probably get a few “Who hurt you” type responses but that’s fine. Anyway, here are some of the major mistakes men make that can make a good chick go crazy. Please note this does not include side-chicks or hoes. For good reason.
The “Will You Be My Wifey….til I Smash”
This one is a classic. May even be the oldest trick in the book. Men know that sex is usually more emotional for women and that until they have that security and assurance that you’re not going to hit it and quit it, they usually won’t give up the draws. I wish I could have sat in on the meeting where you guys decided that it was a good idea to pretend to want a relationship and then once you have sex, switch it up. Now you have a young lady who has made herself emotionally vulnerable and physically accessible to someone who will no longer return her phone calls. And you can’t understand why she showed up at your job with an airbrushed “Niggas Aint Shit” t-shirt on handing out flyers about how you dogged her.
The “Naw Me and My BabyMama Not Together….Kinda.”
I’ve learned through trial and error that before I get into a serious relationship with a man that has a child I need to have a conversation with the mother of his child. A lot of men have that controlling mentality of “I’m single but my babymama is not” so while they may have other girlfriends they are still regularly sleeping with their babymama. How can you expect her to NOT run up on you with a crowbar and her three best hoodrat friends when she sees you with ole girl from up the block all booed up. You were just in HER bed last night, talking all sweet about y’all being a family one day… maybe. And on the flip side, you have this new chick who thinks you’re all in love with her now finding out that you and the mother of your child (whom you told her was no longer an issue) are still regularly messing around. Bad bad scene, my dude. Just think about Li’l Scrappy and his issues with Erica and Shay from Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. Don’t be that guy.
The “I Don’t Want To Be With Anybody Right Now…”
…then turn around and get a girlfriend!! What is that?? Why couldn’t you just tell her that you don’t want to be with HER. Was that your way of sparing her feelings? You tell her that you don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and she respected your decision to be single. She was sitting there thinking that you are so in tune with your feelings that you know you won’t be any good for a woman until you get yourself together. Then she turns around and sees you wifing up some other broad less than a month later. That’ll have her singing like Marsha Ambrosius in I Hope She Cheats On You. Now her and her “E-thugs In Harmony” are on Facebook throwing shade and on Twitter sending out hella subtweets about your new chick. And you claim you have no idea why she is acting like this because y’all had a good break up. Nope.
The “Pretend Friend”
It’s nuts when a guy puts himself in the friendzone in order to work his way up to some sex. It is literally one of the most confusing and ridiculous plans ever for everyone involved. As a woman, she is trying to look out for men who are only “after one thing” but at the same time, doesn’t want to be so stuck on herself that she assumes anybody who is nice is trying to smash. So you become that friendly guy…that just wants to talk…and listens to her problems with other guys…all the while plotting your way to the top. And because he has so much history/research done he knows exactly what to say and do. (Sidenote: this is a good plan if you are genuine in your feelings for a woman) So you have a girl trusting you because you’ve heard the stories and would NEVVVEERRRR hurt her like everybody else did. Wrong.
Fellas… I’m coming into contact with a bunch of women who are emotionally scarred because they have been lied to by a generation of men whose only interest is as much as sex with as many women as possible. This is not to bash men or say that all men are dogs. That’s not even close to the truth. The truth is, some men don’t realize just HOW much they can mess with a woman’s feelings and they underestimate her reaction. All we’re asking is for some consideration.
There are way too many loose and easy chicks alley-ooping the box on a regular basis for you to take so much time and effort to emotionally wreck someone for sexual purposes. If you have a crazy chick, please closely review your actions to make sure you didn’t cause her to snap.
We’ve all seen A Thin Line Between Love and Hate and I don’t want y’all to go out like that.
Words by Jherika G.