5. Access to Facebook (via tablets, notebooks, smartphones, library cards, et cetera). If she’s not on(line) by now, keep her off of Facebook at all costs. That thing is dangerous, & with a minimal amount of research you can see exactly what I mean. If she is on, do your best to starve the addiction or suffer the consequences. She’ll either leave you for her first boyfriend, catch you cheating with your new girlfriend, or accidentally turn your email address into a spam factory. Nonetheless, any type of device that can help her track you down or give her instant access to your social whereabouts is a bad idea. If you provide such an instrument, you can’t ever blame her for blowing up your spot.

4. An unwanted pregnancy.

3. Any R&B albums containing songs about empowerment, heartbreak, independence, cheating, babies outside the relationship, or spousal abuse. Subjects such as those always tend to stir emotions in people, & the last thing you want to do is ruffle feathers or remind your lady about forgotten baggage on Cupid’s day of vengence. At that point, you enivitably become the messenger & must provide a reason for why she shouldn’t kill you.

2. An STD.

1. A strong, durable vibrator (unless you know for a fact that you can out-perform 32 triple ‘A’ batteries & a loaded debit card.)