Not for nothing, but Twitter has taught me that grown men still long to be children, no matter the social, economic, or digital divide. Daily, droves of anonymous guys tweet-stalk broads in hopes of scoring some ‘tang, as if Twitter is Earth’s high school hallway. Not that there’s anything wrong with that per se, it’s just that I’ve been off that rollercoaster for about a decade now. &, as entertaining as that is to watch, it’s nothing new. Just a new format for the lust to exist in, if you smell my cologne. Aside from that (& possibly more importantly), however, I’ve noticed that adult males – regardless of specificity – still love wrestling.

I was under the impression that the UFC/MMA dictatorship put those make-up & stunt men routines to bed. I can’t fathom how a dude can watch 2 men pummel & break each other’s bodies, & still find contentment in The Undertaker rising from the dead, yet again. To each his own, I suppose. That said, word on the ‘net is that there’s a new wrestling federation in the works, based around the Hip Hop culture. The Urban Wrestling Federation is on course to do what John Cena perfected years ago; make wrestling a little “Blacker,” one White man at a time. Now, that premise worked for John Cena, because when he first hit the WWE (which used to be the WWF), busting raps & wearing his hat sideways, he was a refreshing novelty. There’s a reason that John Cena is the most recognizable character in the WWE, & it’s not because he can beat all the other niggas up whilst wearing jean shorts, either. It’s because Hip Hop sells, word to most McDonald’s commercials.

As a kid, I loved watching wrestling & didn’t care if it was real or not. My favorite character was Sylvester Ritter’s “Junkyard Dog,” even on the WWF cartoon, because I instantly connected him with every angry, Black father I knew. (Which wasn’t a lot, but my point still remains.) For all intents & purposes, JYD was the first Hip Hop wrestler, complete with chains & other accessories. In hindsight, though, the WWF had this flared-nostriled, young buck wearing a chain around his neck making animal noises for a paycheck. In fact, the Iron Shiek, Rowdy Roddy Piper, The Bushwackers, down to Cryme Time & Rey Mysterio have all exhibited emphasized stereotypical behavior. Perhaps a rappin’ ass rasslin’ wouldn’t be much of a stretch, racism-ly speaking.

One can only imagine the great extents the UWF will go to capitalize on today’s rampant coonery. Really though; if Cryme Time is any indication of the possible direction this platform can go, hilarity will ensue, undoubtedly. Somebody might get shot. & I wouldn’t put it past any of the staffers to end up pregnant by the “actors.” If the suits-&-ties didn’t know how real this rap shit was before, they’re about to find out. To compliment the urban theme of the show, E1 Records is on board to provide music, as well as promote the fights. [Sidenote: From what I understand, all the matches will be on pay-per-view, which somehow adds another ballertastic layer to this Hip Hop soap opera.]

When the story first “broke,” I was all with it. Then it was announced that I’d have to pay to watch the shennigans. No dice. I can watch my sons fight for free, & charge my friends a dollar a head to watch them, like Jim McMahon does it.